View Thread
 Print Thread
The Far Frontier (by Komo-val)
Komo val
(My first PDS fanfic and my first story in general. Heavily Inspired by the generations project)

The pilot slowly maneuvered it's tug towards the gigantic ship. No speeding or sharp turning where permitted, after all he carried a very precious cargo - a cryo tray. He observed the million points of light that surrounded the juggernaut. Tugs, Engineering ships, worker ASCAs, container transports all where amassed near it.

Suddenly the silence was broke by a incoming message warning. The pilot pressed a few buttons and the message was displayed on a small screen on top of the cockpit.

''Tug 1028 you are drifting to the right, change your course to 201.012. The Salvation will take over the cargo in support bay 12.'' Said a female voice.

The Salvation aka project Far frontier was a joint operation between the Itaar government and Hiigara. Some time ago a deep space recon probe discovered a mineral rich system with a habitable planet in the Rimguard cluster. The said starcluster was probably created by a super massive supernova billions of years ago. Slowly the massive amounts of gases formed around 3 dozen stars, but most of them still had protoplanetary rings, so the discovery of a habitable planet came as a surprise. The planet was quite large for a Hiigara-like planet. It was 2.5 times bigger then Hiigara with an ecosystem in the prototerric faze. That means no land animals, only insects, fish and amphibians and certainly no sentient life. The cluster itself was located on the very edge of the galaxy, far away from any conflict, a place to start a new life, a paradise.

Shortly after the discovery was made public millions of citizens, mostly from the war-thorn regions like Ittar petitioned for a colonization project. Sponson, realizing the amount of resources in the cluster and the cheap labor force offered by the colonists pulled it's connections and donated a massive Bulk freighter, renamed Salvation, two times the size of the Pride of Hiigara to be the colony ship. It was escorted only by a small escort force since no one could possibly know about the planet, except maybe the Bentusi, but even that is highly unlikely due to the heavy radiation in the cluster. Once a safe course was plotted using recon data from the deep-space probe the mission was ready to go.

***


''What do you mean a class 3 escort force?!'' The tall man said slamming both fists on the massive wooden table.

''Marceluss, the Council of Admirals considered carefully your proposition, but it finds that the number of ships you asked is not reasonable nor available. Besides it's impossible that someone else knows about the system. Our probe detected no artificial object and we kept it guarding the system for over three months. '' Calmly said the man sitting in a highly decorated chair wearing an equally decorated uniform.

''Yes High Admiral, I understand but a asked for a class 2 escort force. You must realize the boost those resources would give our war economy, and we will finally be able to destroy the Hiigaran barbarians There was also an anomalous reading when the probe was on it's way back'' Said Marceluss, his voice indicating anger or perhaps intense frustration.

''That reading was probably interference from the stellar radiation, besides you will also have a Vaygr escort in addition to our own, and I heard they are sending Al-Hakija, relax.'' The High admiral responded, as calmly as before, confident in the successes of the expedition.
Edited by Komo val on 22-08-2007 15:07
 
Komo val
''This is fleet command to the escorting force, we will be doing another jump within the hour, divert all energy to the hyperdrives. We are behind schedule and we need to get moving.''

''Dear Sajuuk, that is our fifth jump in just one day, is she crazy?'' Kir Soban, the captain of the Preator class Heavy carrier Sajuuka Shiri and leader of the escort force responded exausted.

''Calm down, I'm sure admiral Korra will slow the pace down once we get back on schedule'' Said Joran Somtaaw, first officer.

''That would be comforting if not for the small detail that we're a month behind schedule.'' After a big breath he opened the channel to the Salvation ''This is Kir Soban, we copy and are diverting all power to the hyperdrive''

Korra S'Jet was sitting in the command room of the Salvation. Although the ship is monstrous it is run only by a skeleton crew of 206, including the ones in the command room that are not necessary to run the ship. They only run the entire operation. All of the passengers where in cryo-stasis, all of the 2.3 million. After quickly checking the status of the fleet and of the passengers, Korra gave the order to hyperspace.

The fleet was swallowed by several dozen blue portals.

***


''I don't see how it is possible for the hyperspace inhibitors to activate during hyperspace.'' The chief mechanic of the Dictatio said

''Well maybe a power surge caused by the overloading of the hyperspace module due to Quantum waveform interference of the Vaygr Heavy Battlecarrier'' Said one of the mechanics.

''Are you going to tell Dux Marceluss that crap ??'' Came the swift response of the chief mechanic.

The room went silent.

''Sir a message from engineering'' The comm officer said

''Patch it trough. Ah chief mechanic Tarris, do you have an answer for the inhibitor failure?'' Said Marceluss, the Dux (Operation Commander) of the expedition, eagerly awaiting a response.

''Well sir I could sell you a lot of crap, but the answer is no'' said Tarris.

''That's why you're my chief mechanic for 20 years. Security, crosreference Name, reported place of birth, and reason for appointment for this expedition. Exclude everyone that was in the academies in Imperial space and everyone that was appointed against their wish.'' Came the response from Marceluss.

''We have Antonius Ignius from Khorah, Andelus Fili from Imperus, Duciss Viri from Keldon...''

''Stop! Despatch security to find Duciss, orders are to incapacitate at site.'' Marceluss ordered with a smile on his face.

''Sir may I ask why ??'' Tarris said puzzled

''Keldon is under the control of the Basileass family, they are sworn enemies of the Viri, so they would never let a Viri live on their planets. We have here someone not familiar with the Empire's political situation.'' Explained Marceluss

''Security squad 312 reporting, patching trough...'' Said the comm officer and quickly patched them to the main speakers on the CaCR (Command and Control Room)

''Sir we have incapacitated the subject and are proceeding...''

''For the Republic!!!!''

''What the..''

''Sir, we detected an explosion on deck 40, section 133.'' The internal operations officer replied.

''Another Republican fanatic. Repair teams to D40-S133, and get my fleet into hyperspace at once, this interference took enough of our time.''
Marceluss ordered

''At this rate we will be arriving in about a month's time'' Said Tarris.

***


''A month you said, good we are almost on schedule. That intense hyperspace jump sequence worked. Order the escort to pause for 5 hours and then we shall continue'' Korra replied to the chief engineer Deelan.
Edited by Komo val on 22-08-2007 15:28
 
mrWHO
So Republicans become an undergroud with suicide bombers?? Pity.

I prefer Taiidans over any other race and I prefer Republic over Empire Sad
 
Komo val
No, you misunderstand. That was not a suicide bomber, he activated a bomb because he was discovered, and I personally would chose a death by grenade then imperial interrogation any day.

 
Darth Harry
yeah. and remember the Higaran Interogation looks nasty (look at the cutscene after the mission in Cataclysm where the Imperials Repair the Nagarok.) im afraid to think what the likes of the Taidan would do.
 
yasotay
Mr. Who,

It is very likely that the RepTaii would have "operatives" working in the ImpTaii and other forces that are likely to preclude them from re-establishing the Republic.

Komo val,

Nice prose, good paced dialog. A couple of recommendations for you. A little more on the protagonist and antagonist and why they are racing for the goal of the new system... I think. Also take some time to help us understand your characters and what they are thinking. For instance:

'I don't see how it is possible for the hyperspace inhibitors to activate during hyperspace.'' The chief mechanic of the Dictatio said looking at the data pad for an answer. "I don't need this with his-painship Marceluss in a hurry. he thought to himself

''Well maybe a power surge caused by the overloading of the hyperspace module due to Quantum waveform interference of the Vaygr Heavy Battlecarrier'' Said one of the mechanics nervously.

''Are you going to tell Dux Marceluss that crap ?!'' Came the swift response of the chief mechanic who watched the young mechanic wilt at the prospect of having to talk with a senior officer.

The room went silent.

''Sir a message from engineering'' The comm officer said

''Patch it through." Marceluss, the Dux (Operation Commander) of the expedition, closed the holodisplay in front of him with practiced indifference. He knew that everyone on the bridge was watching him out of the corner of their eyes, waiting to see what he would do, and to whom. "Ah chief mechanic Tarris, do you have an answer for the inhibitor failure?'' he said it with a pleasant casualness that fooled no one.

''Well I could sell you a lot of crap, but I do not want to risk being your disciplinary demonstration for this trip'' Tarris thought to himself, making sure he maintained a neutral facial expression. "Dux, I have been looking at all the data since the failure. I don't have a reason for this failure in my engineering space."

Don't know if that is where you wanted to go, but you have a good start on a story and I would like to encourage you to keep going with it.
 
Komo val
Thanks for the Tips yasotay. They will be very helpful in the next chapters. Today only an interlude, since it's a dark and rainy day.

- The following information has been taken directly from the Hiigaran Navy Database

BULK FREIGHTER REFIT #34, CODENAME SALVATION- Titan class Bulk Freighters are used to transport massive amount of goods in relative safety. The standard Titan bulk freighters have armor comparable to that of Battlecruisers, and an extensive PD grid. The Salvation has 1.6x more armor as well as added capital grade weapons like the 4 massive Sajuuk-kor 4b Strategic Laser Weapons. The most important addition is the construction bay, however it's only civilian grade meaning that no complex weapon systems can be reproduced. The massive cargo bays hold cryo trays as the ship is engaged n the colonization of The Rimguard Cluster.

IMPERIAL CAPITAL SHIP ''DICTATIO''- The Dictatio is under the command of sub-admiral Marceluss. Being an Incursus class Star Dreadnought (Combat Flagship equivalent in Hiigaran Designation System) it is extremely heavily armed and armored. Various size of Armageddon class massdrivers, Annihilator Heavy anti-matter torpedoes, assault drones, mag directed Ion Cannons and Star Blazer Heavy Particle cannons as well as a multi-weapon heavy PD grid cover the hull. Although having a Spacious hanger it's ship production capabilities are extremely limited, however drone and munition production capabilities are impressive. Republican spies report that this ship is presently engaged in a top level operation, however the destination is unknown.

IMPERIAL PROSPECTUS AC-T 89 HEAVY TRANSPORT SHIP- This multi purpose transport ship is used for everything from Ru transport to personnel transports. It is a slightly upgraded version of the transport ships used by the Republic and Imperials around the time of the Beast war.

DUX- A title given to the leader of an operation, be it reconnaissance or siege. Depending on the security level of the operation the Dux may be the only one to know where is the fleet going, thus having to plot courses for the entire fleet. This maintains a extraordinary security measure that is required for a military force that lacks resources, ships and personnel.
Edited by Komo val on 23-08-2007 19:04
 
Komo val
It just got sunny Grin so lets continue.

After 6 months of travel the Salvation fleet was finally near it's target. Trough precise telemetry data they managed to evade the many gravity wells of the nearby stars. Now only one small obstacle remained: an intense radiation field created by the system's heliopause. The immense particle density meant that hyperspace wasn't possible in an area of 6 light seconds. To move trough this barrier a modified third generation defense field was installed on board the Salvation, however the immense power requirements of powering a fleet wide defense field meant that it could be powered only for a short time. Thus time was of the essence.

''Escort leader report status.'' Admiral Korra said a she was looking the stellar activity on the astrometry console. ''We better get this right, I don't want to go down in history as the person who killed 2.5 million people due to an error of judgment. Those corporate bastards would certainly.. '' Her line of thought was cut by an incoming massage.

''Sir, all ships report green.'' The voice of Kir Soban came trough the comm.

''Good'' She thought ''All ships tighten formation and divert all power to the engines, we only have one shot at this.'' She said after which she closed the fleet wide communications ''Sensor officer, report any Radiation spike heading our way and watch for any change in particle density, we don't want to get stuck here''

The sensor officer nodded and returned to watch his console.

''Here we go''she said to herself

***


''To the crew of the glorious 13th Expeditionary fleet.'' Every crewman, on every ship of the fleet paused his task. It's not common for the Dux to broadcast a message on the fleet wide frequency.

''From this point I have been authorized to reveal our destination. We are heeding for the Maris Australium or as the Hiigarans call it Rimguard cluster. We will be arriving trough a preset jumpgate. This expedition will allow us to gather precious resources with witch the Taiidani will rule the galaxy once again. Vox Deii vox Taiidani !!!''

The crew of the ships cheered only to be interrupted by the Dux once again ''And to any Republican spy listening, please use a pistol next time'' Laugh could be heard trough the fleet, a laugh heard by everyone, including the second Republican spy on board the Dictatio.

''Good thing our probes carry hyperspace gates in case they find something of value'' Marceluss thought.

He felt a little embarrassed, he was encouraging his men, as he would before any battle, only this time there was no battle, no enemy, no danger and no excitement. Such a lowly task collecting resources.

''Well, at least we won't be going trough that radiation field'' he comforted himself ''only an idiot would go trough it''
Edited by Komo val on 23-08-2007 18:17
 
mrWHO
Vox Libera vox Respublica.
 
Komo val
Ad majorem gloria Respublicana.
 
yasotay
I like it alot.

Oh like mrWHO, I am a big Republic fan. That said I like the idea of the Dux being a bit over the top bad.

I would like to see your ideas on Imperial rank structure too.
 
Komo val
Thank you. I have pondered what an Imperial rank system would look like for a long time. I'm trying to make it completely different from the Hiigaran Rank structure and not just in the names used. What I have so far:

Concilium Maximus- High Council, Council of Admirals. The highest ruling body in Imperial space. It is formed only by High Admirals of the great Taiidani Houses.

Princeps Praetor- High admiral in charge of the High council. He is elected every 5 Taiidani standard years. His official job is to uphold ''democracy'' in the High council.

Praetor Maximus- High admiral. Member of the High Council.

Praetor Majoris-Admiral, answers only to the High admiral in charge of his forces.

Praetor- Military commander, Sub-admiral.

Concilium Praetoris- Council of admirals. Its vote counts as a High admirals in the High Council, however the representative is forbidden to set foot in the room where the High council is held.

Concilium Belli- War council. War matters are discussed here. High Admirals, admirals and sub-admirals are all allowed to participate. Their votes all hold the same weight, however defiance of ones High admiral is not taken lightly by the said person.

Primus Pilus- Taskforce commander. A taskforce is often called Pilus (spear).

Trierach Primus- Captain

Dux- Operation commander. Ranks ranging from captain to High Admiral

 
Komo val
''Sir a solar flare is heading our way 241-30 relative, elevation 56?. Radiation spike in 6 seconds!'' The sensor officer yelled as quickly as possible.

''Shit '' a natural thought in this situation. This one however belonged to an Admiral ''Divert power to the aft quadrant! To all ships increase engine output, we need to get to hyperspace before that flare arrives!'' The admiral yelled as quickly as the sensor officer, reviewing fleet status and shield energy levels. ''Crap, we are already running at 110%, this is not looking good.

***


''Sir we have entered the system, ETA to orbit 30 minutes.'' The External operations officer (ExOO) reported.

Marceluss performed a slight nod. Anyone could see that he was bored to death, however protocol demanded him on the bridge at least 5 hours before the completion of one of the objectives of the operation. Indeed it was a most uneventful journey, except for that Republican sabotage that is.

''Sir picking up intense solar activity from the near by star and higher then normal radiation levels near the system's heliopause. It' is interfering with our ELR (Extremely long range) sensors.'' came the new report

This time Marceluss didn't even bothered to signal that he received the message. ''Completely illogical. I would imagine this task would be appropriate to a lower ranking individual. Sure I had my share of resource operations when I got out of the Military academy, but now?? From planetary assault, convoy raiding and aggressive recon missions to this. For Sajuuk's sake, I would kill to have some excitement.''

***


''Sir the Arbiter cruiser Karros reports complete Engine shutdown.'' The comm officer said with an obvious sadness in his voice, for he knew their faith.

''No! No! This can't be happening'' Korra thought to herself. She quickly entered some figures into the computer mounted on her seat and quickly received the numbers she needed:

Speed reduction: 12%

New ETA: 1min 19sec

Solar flare ETA: 1min03sec

Tractoring an Arbiter cruiser was obviously out of the question, however tractoring the small life pods will not pose a problem. Several ships flanked the doomed cruiser. The cruiser then released dozens of square objects. The ships tried to fish as many as they could, but almost half of them drifted away, beyond the radiation shield. At least dead was instantaneous with such high radiation levels.

''Sir all tractored lifepods are safely on board our ships, grav-well cleared in 18 second'' Korra herd the report but she didn't know from whom it came. It didn't matter as she felt sick. ''I Caused the death of all those people, how...how...''

''Sir!!'' a voice has returned her to the living.

''Stand by for hyperspace'' she ordered as confident as she could, trying to forget the tragedy that has occurred, at least for now.

''10..'' came the sensor officers countdown

''9, 8, 7, 6, 5...''

''4''

''3''

''2''

''1''

''We are clear !''

''Initiate the hyperspace, now !!!'' Korra yelled. If it weren't for the tick armor and the vacuum of space, every ship of the fleet would hear her without the intercomm.

As the fleet vanished into hyperspace, a wave of red, hot, ionized gas engulfed the space once occupied by the Hiigaran fleet.

***


''Sir..'' the ExOO said while turning to face the bored Dux, only to be greeted by a cold stare, clearly saying ''What the fuck is now'?'' without any need for words.

The Officer took a few moments to compose itself from the cold stare and from the shock of the information displayed on his console. He continued ''... it seems we have detected a hyperspace jump.''

Silence followed for a few seconds. Then Marceluss jumped to his feet, looking at the massive tactical display that now had a pulsating circle on it indicating the quantum wave disturbance source. Surprise could easily be seen in his eyes, but there was something else, not that hard to see. It was joy.
Edited by Komo val on 25-08-2007 10:33
 
Komo val
(This is my last entry for the week as I'm going to the Czech republic, however don't worry I will continue as soon as I return)

''Hyperspace exit successful. We have exited on target just outside the Planet's gravity-well.'' The sensor officer reported to Korra, with an obvious relief.

''We made it '' Korra thought ''Helm plot a course for...''

''Sir we are detecting enemy ships position 112...''

***


''All ships stealth mod, now !!!!'' Marceluss screamed in the comm.

All ships immediately ceased high frequency communication, turned off weapons and engines and all of the non essential systems.

''Initiate optical disruption system. ExOO only passive sensors.'' Marceluss ordered receiving a nod from the officer.

The Optical disruption system was a less expensive option to cloaking devices. It basically detected the electromagnetic reflection of the background. After which transmitors placed on the hull would send an exact replica of the background radiation (including light) in the direction of the enemy fleet thus confusing the multi-spectral high-resolution optical detection systems found on some ships.

''What is the composition and status of the enemy fleet?'' Marceluss inquired.

''The passive sensors don't read much , however the first scans indicated a Star Dreadnought sized vessel as well as 3, no 4 battlecruisers. Three are most probably PoHs but the readings on the fourth one are sketchy at best. Cruisers around 6, no info. Anything lower didn't get detected by the quantum displacement sensor nor by the LR sensors due to the interference of bigger ships.'' Came the quite hasty reply of the ExOO sensing Marcelusses anticipation.

''Good, good. Did they detected us?'' Marceluss said looking at a, yet again, updated tactical display.

''It would appear not.'' Came the response of the ExOO

Marceluss laughed.

***


''...-123 elevation... No, now their gone. Strange. Probably a sensor ghost due to sensor recalibration latency.'' The sensor officer said rechecking the data.

''Probably, however send a squad of Avenger scouts to check it out, we don't wan' to get ambushed while landing.'' Korra said looking at her own tactical display.
Edited by Komo val on 25-08-2007 12:04
 
yasotay
Komol val - I like your ranks but would recommend that perhaps they might do better to be a play on Latin. Please don't get me wrong I like the concept, but think it a bit too straight up. Your use of "Dux" has the right amount of "almost but not really Roman" to be a great Taiidan term.

For instance in my fiction, the senior military commanders are "Primus". Their Aide de Camp is a "Ligate". A more junior leader (have never built the full structure) is a "Centurio".

A little history from Taiidan discussions a couple of years ago. The resurgent Imperial Taiidan are ruled by the Assembly of Lords. These are the great industrial families that escaped destruction of the Empire with the fall of the Emperor and the horrendous infighting amongst the military leaders vieing for the title. These families now demand fielty from the military who they blame for the loss of everything with their infighting. This does not mean there are not very powerful Taiidan admirals (in my work there are five of them and they despise and mistrust each other greatly... something the Assembly plays on a lot), but they are unable to control the logistics and economy of the Empire. So they reluctantly agree to the rules of the Assembly, biding their time until they can seize power. Both sides know they are playing a very deadly game, thinking the other will be the ultimate demise of Greater Taiidania if not controlled.

It adds more depth to the story than just having a Council of Admirals run the whole show.

OK on second thought this is Komo-val's fiction thread, I should not be getting it off track.
Edited by yasotay on 26-08-2007 01:38
 
TelQuessir
Yas - would like some ideas on how to tie your Taiidani backstory into the V11 strategic picture.

What external cause can unite the Taiidani powerhouses (there are many), getting them to respond to aggressive Hiigaran expansion into Vaygr homelands - that was in history Taiidan space.

Note that the Vaygr in V11 are divided into the Army of the Prophet (Makaan), and the Commonwealth of Independent Vaygr States, the matured form of the AdM and IVF respectively. Of course, the latter's naming convention comes from former USSR satellite states, and the former is simple enough to understand.
 
yasotay
By your command - OGL. I have a long weekend, so I will make an attempt at a new State of the Galaxy report. I will send it to you via secure comms for review and posting on your release.
 
Komo val
The ranks are just a first draft and the names are temporary, however it seems you have far better qualification to make a proper rank system. Could you list what you have so far so that I may use it in my story. Anyways I have returned from my vacation, so let the story continue...

P.S

Quote

OK on second thought this is Komo-val's fiction thread, I should not be getting it off track.


Not at all, you are free to continue to make critics and list Taiidani ranks, and whatever, it's a great help for my story.
Edited by Komo val on 03-09-2007 13:40
 
Komo val
''Our scouts should reach the sensor contact position in T-8min. Still no sensor readings. Detecting a slight magnetic displacement, however. It could be an anomaly in the planets magnetic field.'' The sensor officer reported to Korra after several minutes of silence and anticipation.

''I don't like this, too much anomalies. Order the fleet to status yellow, just in case'' Korra said

''There is something fishy around here, but who else could possibly know about this. The Tai... no it can't be.'' she pondered. ''Naaa it's just paranoia I guess''

***


''Whats the status of that stealth probe'' Marceluss inquired in a deep and serious voice.

''No readings yet, but we still have about...Wait we got a positive reading.'' The ExOO said, his hand shaking. A battle was imminent.

''What's the status of their fleet?''

''It's just one ship sir. Class... strikecraft. Aaaaaa, shit, scanning detected! It's a scout !!! 67 percent detection probability!'' the ExOO yelled.

''It will be a massacre if they detect us! And shame will fall on me!'' Marceluss thought while looking at the ExOO's console ''Stop shaking ExOO, or I will deem you incapable of performing your duty and trow you out the airlock!''

''Ye...,Yes sir.''

''Ordered the fleet to red alert, all ships, attack formation, prepare to activate LR and active sensors...''

''No.'' A voice came from the edge of the now dark bridge, red lights shining of his robes.

The bridge went silent. Who would dare oppose the DUX ?

''Damn Industrialist, what do you know about warfare ?!'' Marceluss yelled at the mysterious figure.

''I trust in our technology and as long as you want to wage war with ships and not with rocks, you will answer to the Assembly of Lords. Is that clear?'' Came the eerie, calm voice from the shadows.

''And what do you think should be done?'' came the slightly mocking reply

''Patience. Wait for the positive confirmation from the probe and then annihilate them.''

''Very well, the shame will fall on you if this fails, not on me.'' Marceluss replied ''Damn Industrialist servant. I would shoot him trough the head if I could, but the Assembly has many servants. I would most probably die in seconds. Shame to waste such a good admiral on such a swine''

***


''How long is this going to take?'' Korra asked impatiently.

''At this rate, 5 more minutes, 6 till optimal sensor range.'' The sensor officer reported.

There was a mixed atmosphere on the bridge. Those who believed that something was there where intensely impatient. Those who thought that was just paranoia where, well bored. The sensor officer was one of the later.

Silence continued for another minute or so, when the sensor officer broke the silence, All where looking at him.

''3.75 more minutes, nothing to report''

Korra sensing the slight mocking gave him a cold stare. ''Maybe there is nothing out there after all''

***


''We got sensor lock on, sir!'' The ExOO reported

''Weapons online, awaiting orders'' the Military operation officer (MOO), often called COW after a prehistoric animal that paleontologists believe made a similar sound, also reported.

''Send 3/4 of the Taiidani Spear on stealth mode to engage the Hiigarans in close combat and...''

''Send the Vaygr instead, they don't cost nothing'' Marceluss was interrupted once again by the figure

''I won't discuss with this fool. A fiasco like this is just what we need for the military to seize control and bring glory to the empire yet again.'' Marceluss slightly laughed ''As you wish. You heard the noble count, do it. Target the Star dreadnought with the particle beams and order all ships to divert power to strategic weapons and to target the nearest battlecruiser sized ship. Fire when our ships are in position, tell the Vaygr commander they have complete liberty in this battle.''

''All ships in position sir.'' The ExOO reported after a minute, maybe less.

''All ships fire at will!!'' Marceluss yelled trough the intercom.
 
yasotay
You do a good job of capturing the tension between the military leader and the Assembly representative. You have also done a good job of mixing dialog and thoughts. This lets the reader get a better feel for the person. You dialog flows well too.

Here is a thought for you though. If Marceluss knows that he cannot override the Assembly representative, I don't think he would mock him too much. If the Assembly rep does not change his attitude the Dux will look weak in front of his crew. You have set the premise that Marceluss knows this and is willing to let the Assembly Rep take the fall for a failure, he even states so. If the Taiidan win this fight, the Assembly representative will be the one who is the victor in the eyes of the bridge crew. Marceluss will either a. see to a sad accidental demise of the Rep. or b. Show more willingness to listen to his nemesis.
 
Jump to Forum